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Marriage and Relationship Resources

My wife, Karen, and I are speaking at a Valentine’s banquet tonight at a local church. We are sharing our personal story of God’s healing and blessing. It is exciting and humbling to receive an opportunity like this. It will be good to see some old friends there as well. With that in mind, here are some great marriage and relationship resources.

746801: As Long As We Both Shall Live: Experience the Marriage You&quot;ve Always Wanted

As Long As We Both Shall Live: Experience the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted
By Dr. Gary Smalley & Ted Cunningham

Ideal for engaged couples, newlyweds, and long-married partners, this resource provides the tools you’ll need to establish a lasting life together! Relationship expert Smalley and Pastor Cunningham show you how to defuse the ticking bomb of unrealistic expectations and acknowledge your unexpressed assumptions. Learn to understand each other’s needs, express yourself honestly, and increase intimacy. Hardcover.

324678: Cupidity: 50 Stupid Things People Do for Love and How to Avoid Them

Cupidity: 50 Stupid Things People Do for Love and How to Avoid Them
By Hayley & Michael DiMarco

Having trouble making sense of your love life? Whether you’re single, dating, or married, the Hayley & Michael DiMarco will help you correct acts of “cupidity” – or “stupid love”! You’ll become a better romantic partner; explore love from a biblical perspective; and avoid heartache and unrealistic expectations. Honest and eye-opening, their guide provides helpful tips from their firsthand experience! Paperback.

723562: Happy Spouse . . . Happy House: The Best Game Plan for a Winning Marriage

Happy Spouse . . . Happy House: The Best Game Plan for a Winning Marriage
By Pat & Ruth Williams with Dave Wimbish

Whether your marriage is on the road to victory, in foul trouble, or just needs a halftime pep talk, you’ll find compassionate and competent coaching in Happy Spouse, Happy House for building a strong, secure, and successful marriage. Using the acronym BEST, Pat and Ruth Williams encourage men to be the best leaders, lovers, and listeners they can be and empower women to be the best partners and players in a winning relationship.

B less your spouse
E dify one another
S hare your true self
T ouch your spouse in body and soul

272472: L.O.V.E.: Uncover Your Personal Love Style

L.O.V.E.: Uncover Your Personal Love Style
By Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott

L.O.V.E.: Uncovering Your Personal Love Style by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott show couples how to revolutionize their marriages by uncovering their unique love styles – how they as individuals are hard-wired for love. Once they uncover this vital information, they learn how their combined personalities approach marital issues. Using scientifically proven online assessment methods, your two personalities come together to create your unique “love style” as a couple. The acronym uses the primary characteristics of Leader, Optimist, Validator, and Evaluator. L.O.V.E. is accompanied by a set of his/her workbooks expressly designed for couples to drill down into the content of each chapter. These are also ideal for group study.

529808: Love & War: Finding The Marriage You&quot;ve Dreamed Of

Love & War: Finding The Marriage You’ve Dreamed Of
By John & Stasi Eldredge

John and Stasi’s new book, Love and War: Finding the Marriage You’ve Dreamed Of does for couples what Captivating did for women and Wild at Heart did for men. In it couples are encouraged to fight for one another and not with each other. The Eldredge’s liken marriage to a love story occurring within the context of a war. As couples fight the forces at work against their marriage, they need to remember that they are in this together. Alternating chapters show the male and female perspectives and as they share their personal experiences, they let you know that it is in the context of marriage that God chooses to heal and transform you into His image. Hardcover.

Loving the Love of Your Life
By Mark Gilroy

Looking to add a little spice to your love life? In one affordable flip book you’ll find 60 ways to show how much you care and add a fresh spark to your marriage. With the fun of a game, the book contains a series of activities, surprises, and suggestions; taking turns, the couple passes the book back and forth adding romance, humor, and good memories to the process.

In a busy world where Christian couples are giving, working, studying, and serving, here is a collection of ways to connect with the one you love best, and build into your marriage in a fantastic way.

Nurture your love and watch it grow! Husbands: Wives: hereare 60 ways to get started- 30 for each of you. Get started today and take your marriage over the top! Paperback.

074891: More Than a Match: The Five Keys to Compatibility for Life

More Than a Match: The Five Keys to Compatibility for Life
By Michael & Amy Smalley with Mike Yorkey

More Than a Match provides you with the tools you need to find the love you want and turn your romance into a lifelong love affair. In this book the authors explore the “compatibility factor,” teaching you how to apply the specifics of good compatibility to a prospective date or mate, as well as how to break things off when you find yourself in the wrong relationship. And.since finding and keeping the love of your life is about much more than finding a match, you’ll also learn how to deal with conflict, develop a healthy sex life, and recover when you inevitably hurt one another. Paperback.

273875: The Five Love Languages, Singles Edition

The Five Love Languages, Singles Edition
By Gary Chapman

Whether you’re widowed, divorced, separated, or never married, your deepest emotional need is to feel loved—and your greatest successes will be obtained by loving others. Chapman shows you how to do both effectively in situations unique to single adults—dating; roommates, classmates, and co-workers; family connections; and single parenting. Includes new discussion questions.

668230: The Love Dare Day by Day: A Year of Devotions for Couples

The Love Dare Day by Day: A Year of Devotions for Couples
By Stephen Kendrick & Alex Kendrick

Love is a choice. A daily choice. The Love Dare Day by Day is a daily reminder of how it’s done . . . and done well, taking the original experience to the next level. With 52 weekly dares, this one-year devotional invites you to go deeper into the scriptural principles of The Love Dare, and is meant to enrich your relationship with God and your spouse through a daily time of reading, prayer, and action. Make this more than a year of your life. Make it your bold, next step to a lifetime of love. Features of this book include:

365 devotional readings on unique aspects of genuine love
52 weekly dares to help you express love in your marriage
Dozens of specific prayers to pray for yourself andyour spouse
Questions to get you thinking strategically about your relationship
More than 100 Go Deeper sections that enhance personal Bible study

The Art of Elimination

I think I have been guilty of suffering information overload. Some of this information could be useful like being informed on issues being debated in DC. Some of it is not so useful like knowing that Taylor Swift is in The Hannah Montana movie with Vanessa Williams who is in Elmo: Escape from Grouchland with Mandi Patinkin who is in The Princess Bride with Cary Elwes who is in Days of Thunder with Tom Cruise who is in A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon. Yes, I know there’s a quicker way to connect Miss Swift to Mr. Bacon, but that’s the point.
At one point I could have told you how many wins Tommy Bowden averaged per year in his 10 seasons at Clemson, but that’s a decade I’m trying to forget.
Here’s a quote I wrote down from the 4 Hour Work Week:

Doing something unimportant well does not make it important.

I know what you’re thinking. Hey, Heath, don’t most youth pastors work 4 hours a week anyway? Do you really need a book to tell you how to do that? Ha Ha. I get the joke and yes, I have lived that joke. Sadly, the flip side is that many people are working crazy hours but accomplishing very little. As I noted in this post, I am trying to be more effective and efficient. Here is where my train of thought is going:

1. I know that conservatives and liberals don’t like each other and go over the top in media to make their points. Do I really need to check 8 different websites a day to confirm what I already know? It’s not going to change my political persuasion. Knowing all this stuff just allows me fodder for conversation. I do have more important things to talk about so I will.

2. I’m a slow learner so it has taken me a while to figure out that very little news happens between when I go to bed and when I get up in the morning. Why do I default to checking all the news and sports sites first thing in the morning on my phone? Can I rid myself of this burning desire to be “The Grapevine” and the first to know everything from what the Senate is debating to who Boston’s middle relievers are going to be to which pastor is going to what church and when in our district? Would it be so bad to hear this news from other people instead?

3. We had our cable TV cut off last summer because my family was going to be in Alabama for several weeks. We never turned it back on to save money. We are doing the Dave Ramsey thing now and downsizing from 4,000 channels to 12(depending on if the government mandated digital converter box is operating properly) has been a great decision. I’m not checking ESPN news, FOX news, or TLC every 15 minutes. I watch three shows a week: Heroes, Survivor, and Extreme Makeover Home Edition. I have almost effectively eliminated channel surfing from my life. For me(the poster child for ADD) this was HUGE. We get a lot of movies from the library so the kids watch those and PBS Kids. Less TV has meant more rasslin in the living room with my children. Put THAT in your talking points memo.

4. Being on a budget has eliminated needless trips to Wal-Mart. I love the deals, but we were spending time and money we did not have every time. Going in to purchase dish shop(crud, we are out of that now) ended with a full cart, empty bank account, and a side trip to the Mcdonald’s that is conviently located inside the stored. Don’t get me wrong. I love me some Wal-Mart, but our family had to take ownership of our buying and spending habits.

I’m not going to pretend that this journey hasn’t been a struggle or that we have it all together now. I just knew that something had to change. I wasn’t at a crisis point, but I could have been. I will leave you my favorite joke from Jerry Seinfeld.

People ask me what I’ve been doing since we ended the show. I’ll tell you what I’ve been doing: nothing. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that you might like to try doing nothing yourself. Well, its not that easy. Because the idea of doing anything that could easily lead to something that would cut into my nothing and that would force me to have to drop everything.

Forgotten 5 Signs You're Watching a Bad Movie

5. The words “Jennifer Lopez” appear in the opening credits.
4. You talked to everyone about this movie and no one knew anything about it.
3. It’s on local Channel 12-2 in the Triad area of North Carolina.
2. ____________________(insert name of person who is famous for being famous) said they “loved it.”
1. They rewrite over 70 years of history by giving Superman a son.

What did I leave out?
In case you wanted to know, there are two types of mainstream movies banned at my house: Anything with Jennifer Lopez and Rocky 5.

Speed Reading 2.0

If you’re going to grow as a person and a leader then reading great books should be an essential part of your growth. I have recently started reading with a new method that I wanted to share with you. There were 2 things I wanted to accomplish with this method.
1. Read faster
2. Take notes that are easy to scan through
There are 4 things in a book that make this process work: Chapter Headings, sub-headings, lists, and quotes. First, let me say that this method will not work with every type of book. This won’t work with a novel. I’ve found that most business, leadership, and growth books have all of the above.
Get the book you’re reading and a notebook. On a fresh page, write the Title and Author. Next, find chapter 1 and wirte it down along with it’s heading. All you’re going to do is scan the pages looking for key words that catch your eye(these depend on what and why you’re reading), subheadings, quotes, and lists. I typically write down all subheadings and lists. I write down quotes only if they’re truly memorable and something I could use in a sermon or a post. So, your page would look something like this(but hopefully with better handwriting):

Your amount of notes will depend on the format of the book and the length of the book. For example, I have 3 pages of notes from Crush It, and 12 pages of notes from The 4 Hour Work Week. I liked the books equally, but one of them had more lists and sub headings so I took more notes.
The most important thing to remember is to enjoy the book. If you get a chapter in and it’s not doing much for you then put it down and move on to something else. Also, don’t feel like you have to finish every book you read. Are you getting out of the book what you were hoping?
For me, this was born out of a desire to learn and grow without feeling overwhelmed. I also am trying to live by a set schedule. So far, the schedule has helped me get things done, but I’ve also been able to be flexible with it when necessary.

Finally, there have been two tremendous benefits so far with the creation of this site. One, is connecting and reconnecting with people all across the country through Twitter and Facebook. The other is immersing myself in the flow of great resources that are at our fingertips to help us become the people we were created to be. There are countless great books, blogs, conferences, music, and videos to help us discover our purpose, passion, and possibilities that many of us are unaware of. My reading list is full of great books I didn’t know existed before I started Chasing My Lion. Sadly, I know two many people who aren’t plugged into any of these things. They seem content to live life without pushing themselves to grow as Christians and leaders. Sadly, many of them are good friends in ministry.

So, what about you? What are you reading? What are you chasing?

Currently Listening:

Currently Reading:

Why So Many Gods?
By Tim Baker

What do Madonna’s henna tattoos really mean? Is The Matrix more than just an action flick? Probing the meanings behind pop culture symbols, this hip guide to over 100 religions, cults, and worldviews will get your teens thinking about what they hear, see, and read—and help them choose God’s truth over the media’s mixed messages. 240 pages, softcover from Nelson.

Currently Watching:
Newspring church at .

New Music Tuesday featuring Toby Mac

Great Music hitting the shelves today and that you may have missed over the last few months!
Toby Mac at .

Fair at

Fireflight at .

Carlos Whittaker at .

NewWorldSon at .

Hearts of Saints at .

Day of Fire at .

Owl City at .

Currently Listening
Forget and Not Slow Down by Relient K

Currently Reading
Words that Work by Dr. Frank Luntz

Currently Watching

Breaking the Sabbath-Part 1

Last week I posted some Action Steps I was taking to be a better man and do everything with excellence. As I have been taking a good hard look at my life I realized that most of the issues of stress and ineffectiveness I face stem from my failure to faithfully observe the Sabbath. In his DVD, “Everything is Spiritual”, Rob Bell talks about the rhythm of creation and the significance of God taking a break from that rhythm and pattern on the 7th day. Here’s what it says in Exodus:

Exodus 20:9-11 (New International Version)

⁹ Six days you shall labor and do all your work, ¹⁰ but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. ¹¹ For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

It’s one of the 10 commandments, and I fear it’s the one I break most often as a pastor. I am on this journey to discover everything I can about the Sabbath and balance that with what Jesus said in Mark:

Mark 2:23-28 (New International Version)

²³One Sabbath Jesus was going through the grainfields, and as his disciples walked along, they began to pick some heads of grain. ²⁴The Pharisees said to him, “Look, why are they doing what is unlawful on the Sabbath?”

²⁵He answered, “Have you never read what David did when he and his companions were hungry and in need? ²⁶In the days of Abiathar the high priest, he entered the house of God and ate the consecrated bread, which is lawful only for priests to eat. And he also gave some to his companions.”

²⁷Then he said to them, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. ²⁸So the Son of Man is Lord even of the Sabbath.”

This is not a debate or discussion about whether or not to take a Sabbath or if failing to do so consistently has been harmful to my health, marriage, and spirit. What I would like to see happen is for a discussion to take place about how you’re making this happen? How are you unplugging for a day? What boundaries have you placed in your life to help you celebrate this holy time? What day is your Sabbath? Is there a day of the week when your church offices are closed so everyone can have a Sabbath? As for me, here’s where I am starting:

1. Commit to one day a week where I am totally unplugged technologically.

2. Make sure that I don’t follow my daily routine other than have my son at school by 7:55 am on that day.

3. Discover and rediscover hobbies that God can use to restore my soul.

4. Do everything I can to insure that my wife is able to have a Sabbath as well.

5. Study the roots, beginnings, and traditions of the Sabbath to see how God has used this holy day to renew and restore his people throughout history.

What about you? What steps are you taking or are you already having an effective Sabbath day? More to come later.

Currently Listening

Currently Reading

Currently Watching